You have to work hard to find someone you really want and really like – or, as one married male friend put it, “someone normal” (apparently normal men are in short supply).
The search is a kind of journey, and along the way you tend to learn a few things about yourself, and about the society we live in. Everyone knows lots of fabulous single women in their 40s …but can’t think of any equally fabulous single men the same age.
My parents gave me a traditional Nigerian name: Oluwasegun Olufemi Akinsanya.
Oluwasegun (Segun for short) means “God will help me conquer,” Olufemi means “God will have mercy,” and Akinsanya translates as “warrior who gets revenge.” When I think about my name now, I believe it meant my destiny was written: that I would go down a dark path, fail, and find redemption. When I was two, our family moved to Canada and settled in rural Quebec—all trees and open farmland. Our house was huge, at the end of a long, winding driveway.
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My dad, Johnson, was a chemist who got his degree at the University of Waterloo and later ran a water filtration business in St. We had to drive to a nearby farm to pick up our eggs, and our neighbours had two cows that I called John and Deere.
Then I got into a knife fight in a Coffee Time bathroom—and the other guy wound up dead By Segun Akinsanya | Photograph by Luis Mora | I spent my teens running with street gangs.
We waited a long time to focus on settling down, and now we’re facing a somewhat distressing fact of life: Once you’re over 40, there is a diminished pool of men to choose from.
So we figured out – and accepted – that the right man does not magically appear when you’re ready for him.
This is one of life’s big mysteries but sometimes I think the key is identifying the right places to look. When you’re over 40, you’re usually pretty comfortable in your own skin You know what you like, and what you don’t.
Maybe you would prefer to hang out at cafes, museums, film festivals and art galleries.