Be discerning about you choose to involve, and keep the circle small. Your husband’s desire for pornography is though every wife I’ve counseled initially believed she should have been enough for him and that it is somehow her fault. The truth will come easier when a pastor, counselor, or friend listens and then guides him into accountability in love, not in shame or anger, because love unifies and encourages (James -20). Will a men’s accountability group and installing Covenant Eyes be enough? Wives do not make good counselors or accountability partners for their husbands, but function best in the God-given roles to support, encourage, and pray for their husband’s growth in sanctification.Don’t run to others who are not a part of the problem or a part of the solution. In fact, you as the wife will need your own counselor and encouragement as you go through this trial with your husband!She may have known it was a past problem and believed he lived in victory, or she may have been clueless to his addiction and feels duped by him. The discussion begins privately between the two of you (Matthew ).Still, she knows it is not “normal” and feels violated, exposed in shame that the man she trusted has taken what was sacred between them and viewed other women and other acts in violation to their sacred covenant of marriage. The wife’s biggest pain is that porn is a fantasy hidden away in his mind. Try to understand his depth of involvement, but it is rare to get the whole story the first time.
As each of you focus on your own growth and sanctification, in time you will unify into that three-fold cord that is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes ). Model the grace and mercy that God the Father so graciously bestows on each of us when we sin and repent.
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“In the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves…” (2 Timothy 3:1-5, NKJV). Because it’s easily accessible in secret, it can be a very private sin, but the result is a very large explosion!
Pornography is readily available everywhere from billboards to sex flicks to websites and chat-rooms, and as easy as “sexting” pictures of oneself and others. The secrecy surely magnifies the betrayal, anger, and horror a wife feels when she discovers her husband looks at other women online.